Letting Go of Toxic People

We hear the term "toxic people" being mentioned so often. And everyone around us keep telling us to let these people go. Most of the time, these are the same people we may consider our closest friends, which increases the burden and unwillingness to let them go. They are our friends, they love us. Why should we let them go?

As you continue to read, I hope that your heart may be receptive enough to identify when it's time to let go of such people.

1. When they are against us

There are two type of people in this world: those who builds us and those who destroys us. Toxic people are the ones who destroy us, whether they do it consciously or not. The following are several characteristics you may find in toxic people.

"People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people."
- 2 Timothy 3:2-5

We live in a world where insecurities and low self esteem tend to attack us. These are all battles happening in the mind, which becomes even harder for us to fight against. This is why we need people who can fight WITH us, and not AGAINST us.

If there is anyone who has contributed to your feelings of inferiority; that you are worthless, that you are unimportant, maybe they ignore you a lot, or they talk about you behind your back... Basically, any action that made you feel more negative and sorry for yourself, then stop. Time for a check up. A friend is not supposed to make you feel this way. If you care for someone, you'd want the best for them, not the worst.

A good relationship looks at its quality, and not at the quantity of years. How many times have you seen a couple in a bad relationship who refuse to break up because "we've been together for ten years, so it's a waste if we break up now." It doesn't matter if you have been childhood friends, been besties for a decade, or were high school sweethearts—people change. If that same person makes you feel like you are worth nothing, then let go. Don't pity the duration of the relationship, pity yourself for being treated that way.

2. When they refuse to change

God continously tells us to go and make disciples of the nation, to spread His name so everyone will know about Him. Sometimes we think, the longer we stay with the toxic people, the more we can help them repent. So by not letting go of them, we are not giving up on them! :D

Well, I had a friend who was a nice person in general. But slowly, I began to see her manipulative side. She continuously asked me for favors even though I may emotionally and mentally suffer from it. And despite telling her about it, she guilt trips me about not caring for her if I don't help. Everyone around me told me to cut this person off, but I kept trying, thinking she might change some day. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe the next week? Or next month? But nearly three years went by, and she still refused to change.

That's when I knew she was no longer my mission. God tells us to make disciples, yes, but He also tells us to be wise in using our council.

"Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”"
- 1 Conrinthians 15:33

If we're not careful enough, instead of pulling them back to the right path, they might be the ones pulling us down the wrong path. Even if we can't help them correct their mistakes, that's okay. At least we did our part. If they are unwilling to change, that is no longer our responsibility. It now becomes a matter between them and God. In the end, the only one who can change their heart is God, not us.

3. When they spread toxic

Toxic people spread toxic, duh. Toxic can be defined as "anything containing poisonous material capable of causing sickness or even death." It can refer to spiritual or mental death. Basically, toxic is the exact opposite of the fruit of the Spirit mentioned in the Bible.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
- Galatians 5:22-23

When we interact with people, there are some people who... uhm... requires extra grace. They are annoying to the extent we may become impatient, get angry, or start badmouthing them behind their back. Before we know it, we are spreading toxic ourselves. Because toxic is contagious.

Any person who takes us further away from the characters of God (or the fruit of the Spirit) should be pushed out of our life. You may think, maybe this is merely a test of patience? Maybe their ill character is for our own good? Well...

"He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."
- John 15:2

In the end, you are the one who knows the significance of that person in our life. Are they stopping you from being a blessing to others, or are they helping you shine more? Are they helping you grow your character into something better, or are they worsening it? If they are a practice of good character, then allow them to prune you into a better person. If they only bring feelings of negativity, then cut them off.

4. When we forget to love ourself

The Bible tells us many times to treat your neighbor as if they were God. Give them food, clothes, shelter, etc. There is nothing wrong with this. But, there may be several people who will take advantage of your kindness. They may ask for small of big favors, ask to borrow some money, ask you to do something, and when we refuse, they will start a train of accusations. "I thought you were my friend. I thought you were kind. I thought you were a Christian. Christians should be giving!" So because we are good Christians, we should help them... Right?

Wrong.

"The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”"
- Mark 12:31

This is a very famous verse we have heard being quoted way too many times, but it's time to realign our perspective with God's. Do you notice that it tells us to "love your neighbors as yourself" instead of "love yourself as you love your neighbor"? There is a difference between the two. By saying we need to love others the way we love ourselves, the way we love ourself has become the benchmark on the way we should love others. You can't love other people if you don't love yourself first. Because our self love has become the new guideline. God is number one, second is your own self, and third is others.

Now, when you let others take advantage of you, let them trample over you, let them hurt you and make you feel so little about yourself... Are you really loving yourself? Is that really how you want to love others? (If you say yes, please think about your future child and whether or not you'd want her/him to be trampled on in that same manner).

Again, you need to be wise. Just because you let them go doesn't mean you rejected them, or that you love them any less. It simply may mean that you are on a journey to rekindle your love towards your own worth.

5. When holding on is more painful than letting go.

Imagine a storm in the middle of the night while you are on a small wooden boat in the middle of the sea. Thunders are rolling, rain is pouring, the waves are crying, and the boat is wildly rocking back and forth. Out of good conscience, you hold on to the rope that controls the sail. You exert all your might to steer it into the right direction, even though you are exhausted. The captain tells you to let go, but you refuse. You insist this is the right thing to do. So you keep holding on, even though you're tired. You're hurting. And when you look down to your hands, you see blood dripping and skin tearing. In the end, you can't take it anymore and finally decide to release the rope. That is the moment when you feel a tremendous sense of relief. You are finally free. In the end, the boat didn't sink or flip over. Nothing happened. And even when the storm stopped, you are still safe.

Sometimes we like to dramatize or exaggerate our situation than what it really is. By not letting go, we think everything will be better. But afterwards, we see how wrong we were. We didn't suffer a big loss. Instead, we hurt less, we're not tired, and our hands aren't bleeding. We realize then, that holding on was more painful instead.


It's time to reimagine your relationships. Is there anyone in your life who is hurting you? Who is a bad influence? Who is preventing you from loving yourself? If there is, maybe it's time to let go of them, as harsh and difficult as it may be. And don't worry. When you let go of people, God will allow new people to walk into your life who can form healthier and better relationships with you to make up for the ones you lost. (Though really, it isn't your loss).

Keep the ones worth keeping, and let go of the poisonous ones. Only that way can you keep improving yourself into a better person.

Know Who You Are

Jeremiah 1:5

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

From these two verses, we can see that God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows us before we were even born, and he knows how our story will end. He knows our beginning and our ending, so of course He knows the story that is in between it too.

He knows what kind of mistakes we will make and He knows what sins we will fall into. Sometimes it makes me wonder, if God knows we might grow up into sinners, into liars, into drunkards, into drug addicts, then why does He still create us? Why would He want to populate the world with this sinful nature?

Because God doesn’t look at our faults, He sees the talents and gifts in us that are unique and special to each individual.

Psalm 139:14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

What is it that we need to know ‘full well’? The fact that we are fearfully and wonderfully made; no one is created the same. Many of us don’t realize what we are capable of and sees our own presence as the lonely dust among the great Sahara desert. It is the devil’s whisper that tells you that you worthless, useless, unoriginal, and ordinary. But that is NOT true! Don’t listen to the sly enemy. Cause if you give in to those lies, you are letting the enemy take you further and further away from the potential that God sees in you.

1. Be Aware of Who You Are

Understand that no two people are created the same. Even twins; they may look similar, but their personalities and talents are different. When God created us, He didn’t play copy paste. He even knows how many hair strands we have on our hair. Truly, our God is a God of detail. And for ever single one of us, He has given us specific talents, hobbies, and strengths.

1 Corinthians 12:14-18

Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.

What God has chosen for us is specific to every individual.  And it is not by mistake, because it is just as he wanted it to be. We need to realize where we are; a unique place that is specifically selected just for us.

2. Accept What You Can Do

The devil likes to shift our focus from what we can do to what we can not do. Don’t give in. Don’t look at what you don’t have, but look at what you do have. The devil is gleeful whenever we are envious of other people. The truth is, you will never be satisfied if you look at other people’s life.

Someone with no vehicle is jealous of someone with a bike. Someone with a bike is jealous of someone with a motorcycle. Someone with a motorcycle is jealous of someone with a cra. Somemone with a car is jealous of someone with a private jet. And the person in the private jet just wishes she could take a relaxing walk. The cycle continues; you will never be satisfied with your life until you choose to be content with what you have.

Maybe we are envious of others, but there are other people who are envious of us too. Maybe because we are so used to our talents and it is fairly easy for us to do, we start to take it for granted. Even when you think your talent might be small or useless. Don’t ever underestimate your talent, because not everyone can do what you do.

Fun fact! Did you know that the pinky toe, the smallest body part that is often overlooked and deemed is useless, is actually the body part that keeps our entire body balanced? Without that small ‘useless’ pinky toe, we wouldn’t even be able to walk straight. So don’t take anything for granted. The smallest things can make the biggest impact.

3. Adapt/Apply it In Your Life

Matthew 5:14-16

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

The talents given to us aren’t to benefit ourselves; it’s to benefit others so we can lead them to glorify our Father in heaven.

Do you remember the parable of the talents? (Read Matthew 25 if you don’t). Reading that, I was so confused why the man was so angry with the servant who did not multiply the one talent. Though he may not have gained anything, he didn’t lose it either. So why was he consumed in so much anger and even curse the servant as a lazy and wicked servant?

The answer lies in this verse:

Matthew 25:18

But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

In Matthew 5:15, the Bible says “do not light a lamp and put it under a bowl.” Basically it translates to: Do not put it in a place that can’t be seen. Now what did the third servant do? Put it in a place where no one can see it.  How can you be a blessing when no one can see it?

There are times when we might be scared because we know that there are other people who can do what we do, but far better than us. So what’s the point of us doing it? Again, don’t compare yourself with other people. If you really want to compare, then compare it to yourself. Are you better compared to “you” a year ago?

For example, I love music and I love to sing. But I still sing offtune a lot and am lacking in so many aspects. Does it mean I give up and throw away my passion? No. I keep practicing. I learn how to harmonize. I learn how to play musical instruments. I learn how to write songs. Does this makes me the best of the best? No. I know I won’t ever surpass Beyonce or Adele, but at least I know I am improving. Today, I am a better version of myself compared to who I was a year ago.

Your talent is like a seed. You start of small, but it doesn’t mean it will stay a seed forever. If you give it water and nurture it, it will eventually grow into a tree. It will bear fruit that other people can enjoy. Same with our talents. Because in the end, the talent is not to benefit ourselves, but to benefit others.

So everything seems like it has a happy ending now, but enter the devil, ready with those malicious lies up his sleeves. This time it will say, “You say you wanna bless a lot of people, bless a whole nation… But only a few people benefit from your talent. What a hypcocrite.”

This is very true for me as I have experienced this not so long ago. Aside from music, I LOVE to write fictional stories that contains a good moral message. One of my stories only got about 30 readers eventhough I think it has a good message. I couldn’t help but to compare it to another story that is about free sex, rape, drugs, and all those stuff, yet it has about 3000 subscribers. So I asked God, why? This is unfair. And His answer amazed me:

It is better to impact one person’s life to be better, rather than have a thousand people enjoy it and forget it the next day.

Back to my story, I took a peek at the comment section of the stories whereby readers can leave their impression. The story with 3000 subscribers wrote things like “this is awesome!” “So cool! I love it!” Yes, very positive and there is nothing wrong with those comments. But among the 30 readers I have, they left comments too. “This story is really inspirational and I feel like I can learn so much from it.” “I was about to give up on my passion, but this helped me to keep pursuing.” “I was having such a bad and stressful day, but this helped put a smile on my face.”

Trust me when I say that having one person tell you you have inspired them,  it is worth so much more than a thousand people saying that what you’re doing is cool. In the end, we want to influence others, so do not be bothered by the number. If God wants someone to benefit or be blessed with the things you do, then trust that He wil lead the person to you. God will give you the right audience. I am not boasting about my stories, because I wrote them for Him, to glorify Him, and to benefit others. It is thanks to Him I can write.

So don’t listen to the devil’s lies. You need to be aware of who you really are, accept what you can do, and apply it in your life. Be secure with yourself. You never know when you happen to inspire others with the things you do. God created you to be you, and not anyone else. Know who you are and what you can do.

Then, you will unlock the potential that God has placed in you all along.

Being A Good Example

(Click here for the original Indonesian version)

God seems to have a pattern regarding the community of people He always places me in. They are the people who knows God, they know all about the Christians teachings and doctrine, and yet, they're not Christians. It's not that they hate Christ, but they hate the followers of Christ.

Christians are basically Little Christ, or followers of Christ. Many people don't know who Christ is, but lucky for them, they have heard stories or watched just enough movies to form the right image in their heads. Christ is patient, kind, loving, never angry, and insert all good synonyms here. Little do they know that Christ was angry several times. He even cursed a tree so it won't ever bear fruit anymore, or He once flipped tables when people used the holy church ground to become a marketplace to gain money (Mark 11:12-25). But they only know God as the loving figure, which is what is more often depicted. Therefore, they assume that us Little Christ, Christians, should behave in that perfect way.

Do you know that our actions affect how people see God? Our spiritual eyes are closed, and therefore we can't see God in His physical form to know how He really is. But the eyes of our flesh are open, and we can see the followers of Christ to represent the image of Christ. But often time, it is disappointing.

Imagine a scenario where a child got caught stealing an item from a supermarket. What is the first thing that comes to your mind? Maybe you're too shocked to even think... But I started to wonder: "Wow, did their parents not educate them?"

Even when a child is at fault, people will automatically blame the parents as well. Why? Because parents are responsible for their children. The same goes with God. If Christians do something wrong, non believers will question "Wow, did their God not educate them?" They can't see God, so they judge God through His children's actions - good or bad.

Eventually, they unconsciously set up a benchmark or stereotype for "Christians." They assume we are all holy and pure. They probably don't know the Bible verse that states that the sick needs the doctor, not the healthy (Luke 5:31). In their eyes, we are all the healthy people. They view Christians to be above the line of normal human standards. Have you ever heard people say "Aren't you a Christian? Why are you behaving like that?" This shows clear proof that they view us with a high expectation.

For example, when something annoying and frustrating happens at work, would you curse the other, stay angry for the whole day, and flip a table? Or would you stay calm, pray, and just do the work expected from you? If you choose the first option, the whole Christian Condemning Squad is ready to nag at you "Aren't you a Christian? Why are you so impatient? You talk about having faith, but you have none now."

This doesn't mean that we have to be perfect all the time. We should still be genuine, not put on a mask, and confess that we can't be strong all the time. But we have to be more cautious because there are people watching us to become examples of Christ.

"Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." - James 3:1 (NIV)

Teachers in this context refers to people who are viewed higher above the rest, someone who is respected. Basically, people being viewed with a higher expectations will have a higher responsibility. Once we declare we are Chrisians, people will indirectly view us to meet their high expectation to live above the line.

"It takes many good deeds to to build a god reputation, and only one bad one to lose it." - Benjamin Franklin

The good news is that God is the one who has the right to judge people. Even so, He won't condemn, hate, or throw us away even after we do something wrong. He will still love us. The difference is whether we love Him back or not? If we do, we wouldn't want to do anything that would hurt Him or give Him a bad image and name. We need to show that our God is good, so that other people would want to know Him.

For example, if I minister and I always show up late to practice. Maybe I don't even wanna come to practice or don't want to learn the songs. The person responsible for my behavior is my DATE leader. Not only that, but my entire DATE will have a bad image. But because I love and respect my leader, and I don't wanna give a bad name to my DATE, I wouldn't do anything to hurt or disappoint them. How can I invite new people to join us when all they see is my bad behavior, and therefore assume that the entire DATE are filled with people with such bad behaviors?

We need to become a bridge that can carry a lot of people to Christ. Don't be a bridge that looks unsteady, has lots of broken ropes, many holes in the pathway, and basically looks like it's about to fall during a storm. People wouldn't even wanna come close to that kind of bridge. But if we were to become an attractive bridge with really strong foundation, ropes made out of gold, path made out of a flower bd or something... Then people who were just passing by will have the curiosity to come over and see what it is all about. They will slowly take step by steps, and before they know it, they might have reached God!

"Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." - 1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV)

How? Learn to know God. Once you know God, He will warn you whenever you are about to become a bad example. He can stop you before you cause any unwanted bitterness. And with God's help we can become a good and faithful bridge. So that other people won't just look at us, but they'd be willing to cross over and reach God.

The End Of A New Chapter

My latest testimony tells the story how I ended up with an internship (New Chapter Of My Life). And that’s exactly what it is: an internship. I wasn’t a full-time employee. So this testimony will express the tale of my endeavor towards earning a fixed position.

The Ticking Bomb

My original contract was set out to end on May 30th. However, I refused to apply to other agencies even when other people told me to. Part of me kept holding unto the strings of hope to get a permanent position. Part of me believed this was an act of faith. Part of me was lazy to start the whole job searching process all over again.

A week before the contract ended, I received an email offering me to extend the internship for another month. I was happy and accepted with no hesitation.

However, the same cycle kept repeating the following month, and the month afterwards. When people asked me how my job is going, I always reply: “I don’t know, I might just leave this month.”

In August, the extension offer came again. They would usually offer one extra month. Note, however, that they offered me 15 days this time. My heart sank as I came to face the truth I had been denying all along:

This is it. This is the end.

Holding On

All this time, my relationship with God had been complacent – at least to me. In all honesty, I had been skipping my Bible reading and morning devotions.  This was a wake-up call that I still needed Him. So I pursued Him back, as I continued to chase after a permanent position. It was a behavior I found so disappointing – only calling out to God when I’ve hit rock bottom. But then again, I’m not a perfect human being.

In my final attempt to cling onto this agency I had grown to love so much, I wrote another email. I explained my desire to stay there because of it’s great environment, the valuable learning experiences I obtained, and the wonderful people present. I finally asked the dreaded question: do I have a chance to stay, or is it time for me to move on?

An email came shortly afterwards, saying: Let’s talk tomorrow.

The following day, the manager asked me to follow her to the back of the office space. It was a wide area with a lot of couches, which the creative department tends to use to hold meetings. This morning, it was drenched in darkness. They had for some reason opted to leave the lights off, which gave a more dramatic tension. There, the president and executive creative director were also awaiting my arrival.

“So we understand that you want to keep working here. What are your plans for the future? Cause we understand that you have a deadline with your OPT?” the manager started to ask me.

I explained how I planned to stay until my OPT ended. That was my intention since the beginning. What came afterwards was the most pleasant surprise I had ever heard.

“We are willing to offer you the H1B working VISA if you choose to keep working with us.”

Words couldn’t express my feelings. I just sat there, looking dumbfounded at the three most important people in the hierarchy. This was way beyond my expectation. I am the person who didn’t attempt to get one. And yet, here I am with the offer of a lifetime. My mind got jumbled up. My firm decision to return to Indonesia got shaken. The offer was too tempting to resist.

God had answered the million-dollar question as soon as I decided to come back to Him. There was no delay on His behalf - He answered right away.

The End Of A New Chapter

Another streams of dilemma hit me as I struggled to make up my mind. In the process, I even wrote a new song called “Close A Door.” Sometimes, God opens a million doors, and you become so confused on what to do. It was in the middle of the composition where God spoke to me and revealed which door He had closed.

I chose to politely decline the offer. I had to go back to Indonesia.

However, the agency had decided to let me stay until the end of the year. So I am no longer an intern, I am now finally a Jr. Designer~ Wohooo~

Friends, it is amazing how God works. The whole job searching process since the beginning until I claimed a permanent position took more than a half-year. But the journey was worth it. God never left my side, even when I left His. He continued to wait, even as I wandered elsewhere. He answered my prayer, even if I sought after Him only during a time of need. He loved me, even when I was unworthy.

And He will do the same for you.

Especially for those who are looking for a job, I can’t emphasize enough how He has already prepared a plan for your future. Your path has already been laid out in front of Him. Just follow its tracks and watch how many doors shall be opened, and closed. Endure it. Pray for it. Believe in it. And you shall obtain it.

So, let me present to you the most quoted Bible verse, because it truly sums up what we need to hear during a waiting period.

“I will bless you with a future filled with hope—a future of success, not of suffering.” – Jeremiah 29:11

The White Fog

Last Sunday when singing "Until I See You," we moved into an intense free worship session. The whole sanctuary was filled with chimes of different tones, voices and words, but were all united to praise God. It was during that moment when the Lord suddenly gave me a vision.

The room we were in was filled with a thick white smoke. Its color was so pure as the snow as it formed a blanket around the sanctuary. Its presence itself was so majestic and a delightful view to behold. Its appearance was so humongous, and yet it felt so soft as cotton. It was simply wonderful. It was God’s tangible presence among us.

There were people who walked straight into the fog. Once they were in, they disappeared. These people love to dwell in God’s presence – once they’re in it, they become so lost. All I could see was the white fog. This represented how when looking at these people, it was so clear to see God’s presence alive in them. When they walk into the fog, it is no longer they, but it is God that we see.

Then there were another group of people. When they saw the majestic fog approaching, they stopped. They hesitated. Should I walk in or not? Fear arose upon the encounter of a strange presence they have never felt or seen before. However, that presence is harmless. That presence is a sweet safe haven we should not be afraid of.  It is our heavenly Father.

To these people, God is inviting you to come into His presence. “Come dwell in me, and I will give you the richest things even the world can’t imagine,” He says. “You will experience something like never before. Do not be afraid… Come to me and I will give you peace…”

God longs for us to be in His presence. Will you open up your heart and accept His invitation?

New Chapter of My Life

Ad Ghetto Event

Last year around the end of October, there was an advertising networking event called Ad Ghetto. Unfortunately, it also happened to be the same day where there was a boba buffet at Little Sweet Café. All the CG members were planning to go there. I was torn between the two, but had purchased my ticket to Ad Ghetto already.

On the day itself, I became so lazy to go and almost bailed out. The Holy Spirit told me to go anyway. Once I was at the event, I met up with one of my friends at AAU who was interning at an ad agency at that time. He introduced me to his supervisor, who happened to be Indonesian! So at least I networked with one person!

At that time we had a class assignment to ask the opinions from professionals about the work in our portfolio. So me and another friend asked our new connection for their help, and they agreed to meet up somewhere in November. Once we were there and sat down with them, the first question they asked was “So you want to intern here?” We were quite surprised since it wasn’t our original intention. So I said “Sure, why not?” Right at the spot, we had a very casual interview and met up with four different people. We didn’t even get to show our portfolio. But they told us they would contact us if they liked it.

Days went by… Weeks passed… Still no news… I was quite sad and didn’t want to start applying to other agencies, believing that I would get this one. It was until early January that I suddenly received an email saying that they were still interested. It was the best news I received this new year! She said they were waiting for approval from the upper management. I waited, but I didn’t hear back from them again for a while.

Break Down

I slowly started to lose hope and gave in to my pride. At first, I only wanted to work at an ad agency in San Francisco. So I started applying to them, but never heard back. I started to lower my standards and started applying to faraway places. Then I let go a little bit more and started applying in-house as a graphic designer (even though my major is advertising). I even opted to do freelancing. In the midst of all craziness, I even applied to Wells Fargo and Google for fun… lol…

Getting a phone call or an interview was very rare. All the emails I received were saying there was another better candidate, or that there were no open positions. My creative recruiters helped me find one ad agency in Pinole. I had a phone interview with them, but they couldn’t proceed if there was no client. Nita reminded me that it’s not about the number; it was all about getting that one right interview. Even so, I was still sad at times and started to feel useless and thought that God didn’t want me to get a job. Even though I tried my best to keep my faith, it started to waver. Countless time I started negotiating with God and tried to persuade Him to give me a job. I got angry at Him…

It was until that Sunday at church when we sang One Thing Remains when I heard God speak to me: “Why don’t you trust me? Don’t you know that I have already provided a job for you?” Hearing that just made me tear up as guilt filled my heart. That day I immediately changed my prayer attitude. I no longer asked God to give me a job, because I had faith that He would provide it for me. Instead, I asked for the patience and endurance to wait until that door will be opened. I later got to know from Melanie that this is what CG Faith had been praying for all this time, and they were so overjoyed my mindset was finally at the right place. (Probably because my sister was the one who was stuck with me during my mental breakdown moments.)

God's Miracle

By this time, I had already applied to approximately 150 companies. I also kept in touch with that ad agency I met from Ad Ghetto, asking if there were any updates, but there wasn't. That week, I got two in person interviews with other companies! One was a Salesforce driven company in SF that needed a graphic designer. Another one was a start up business that needed a web designer. They both simultaneously scheduled to interview me on the same day, and both actually offered me the job on that day. Amazing! I should be feeling happy, but how come I didn’t?

The start-up company had an interesting offer and could pay a lot, but somehow something did not feel right. So I was considering to pray to God: “Lord, if you don’t want me to take this job, then please let an advertising agency contact me tomorrow. Whether it is an email of rejection or acceptance, let them contact me!” As soon as I checked my phone, I saw that there was an email from the ad agency saying that there’s finally an update, and that they would call me tomorrow. I also noticed there was a voicemail message from the recruiter saying that the ad agency in Pinole was still interested. But since it was late, I would have to call them back tomorrow. Out of all days, why would all of them suddenly contact me right on that day to speak to me tomorrow??? Coincidence? I believe not…

Man, I always prayed for God to open up the right door. I now know that I should’ve prayed for Him to lead me through the right door! On top of that, Wells Fargo actually contacted me to proceed to the next stage as well. (Yes, the same one in Oakland where James and Stanley used to work at).

End of Unemployment

The following day, the ad agency from the event called me and said that the internship has finally been approved and that I could start working with them!!! Wohoooo!!! Without second thoughts, I immediately accepted the offer. Never would I have dreamed about rejecting some offers. This was crazy!

Our God gives abundantly!  Waayyy more than what we ever asked. I don’t really know why He wanted me to wait, since this was basically the first ad agency that I applied for. Even so, I truly experienced how God still cares and wants me to end up working at the right place. If He can do this for me, I believe He will do even mightier things for others who are also looking for a job! So guys, be steadfast!!! I truly believe that God has already prepared a place for each one of you!!! Hwaiting! Ganbatte! Jia you!!!! The time will come!!!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9