This story comes in 3 parts... Please read all of them to really see the amazing thing He did and how He works. It's simply...amazing :)
- Part 1 -
It all started towards the end of October on a Thursday. I had a drawing assignment from my sketching class where I had to sketch a scenery. James and I had an appointment to have an interview for our volunteer service after he finished class. So rather than him going back and forth from my house to his school again, I decided to tag along to his school and draw something there.
So he showed me around the school at first, to help me find a good scenery to draw. Eventually it was time for him to go to class, so I was alone. I walked around, scanning the areas. And finally I found a good spot. I sat down and started to draw a tree, quietly, peacefully, all by myself.
Suddenly, two guys approached me. They seemed nice and friendly and one of them talked a LOT. So they explained that they were doing something for points and offered me whether I wanted to buy magazines or not, or else, I could donate some magazines to childrens in a hospital. I knew that I rarely read magazines, so I decided to donate some for the children. So he showed me a list of magazines and told me to pick two. And I did...
Then he said: "So you can choose whether you want to donate for 3 quarters or for 4 quarters. For 3 quarters it's gonna be $120, and for 4 quarters it's gonna be $180."
I was shocked and speechless when hearing the amount. I thought it was going to be $20 or something less than a $50. And yet, at that moment, I didn't have the ability to say no or to reject him. So I said with a small uneasy chuckle, "I'll just go with the $120."
He told me that was okay and directed me to circle some things. Circle the 3 quarters, circle the $60 per book... "And so the total price will be $160."
I was again shocked.
"I thought you said it was $120?" I asked him.
"Well yeah, there are some additional charges."
Somehow, I couldn't manage to ask him where the additional charges came from. So i just nodded along and wrote $160. And to make the story short, we went to the ATM in SFSU (yes, SFSU students must be soooooooo proud about having their own ATM machine on campus) and I took $200 cash and gave him $160.
He left afterwards and I went back to the bench where I was drawing the tree earlier. I BBM-ed (that's not even a word) James and told him what just happened. And he sounded surprised, telling me that $160 is a huge amount! And that's when I started to become uneasy, realizing what I did was perhaps wrong? I just went ahead and spend $160 just like that. I started to feel guilty.
After I went home, I told my sister and my mom about it. They practically showed me the same reaction, saying that $160 is waaaayy too much. My mom told me that "a donation is a choice you make. The amount you want to donate should be your decision, not an amount by force." And I felt even guiltier. But she just had to add to the weight of my guilt by saying "you know your dad works very hard every single day just to earn $100."
And that did it. My feeling of guilt could no longer be suppressed. I went into my closet and started to cry and pray to God. (Don't get me wrong, the closet is spacey and very comfortable to be in) So as I started talking to God, I poured out everything. No, in fact, I wasn't talking to God, I was complaining to Him. I complained about how stupid I was to spend $160 like that. That's like the amount of our retreat minus $10! Things led to another and I started to bad mouth myself. Saying I was stupid, worthless, useless and all those stuff.
And then... God spoke to me, in a very clear, firm and loud voice.
Matthew 6:7
That was the first time that I heard His voice that clear, it's indescribable. And He wasn't really saying it in a sweet, soothing and calming voice like I thought He would. But He sounded kind of strict when telling me that.
So I was taken aback. In between all my crying, I opened the Bible in front of me (I brought it with me to the closet in case if) and opened to the verse.
"When you pray, don't talk on and on as people do who don't know God." - Matthew 6:7a
That's when it struck me...
I have been talking to God in a way that a non-believer could. Everyone could complain to God, it's as easy as that. But in that few minutes, I have forgotten who I am talking to. It's the almighty God, and I badmouthed myself, His creation!
So I started to apologize to Him. Then I started to read several verses in Matthew. And I found another verse:
"When you give to the poor, don't let anyone know about it. Then your gift will be given in secret. Your Father knows what's done in secret and He will reward you." - Matthew 6:3-4
And then God told me with His sweet and kind voice: "The world may see the bad side of what you have done, but I will look at the good side of what you have done. Don't worry, I will repay you for what you did."
I was sooooooooo amazed and once again speechless. I went out of the closet and told James and my sister about it. But still, a small part inside of me still felt guilty even though I had received reassurance. So James talked to me and he prayed for me, praying so that I can really surrender the $160. I felt so much better afterwards and had faith in God's words, hoping and having faith that He will soon bless my father's business.
Stay tuned to part 2 :)
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